50 Things To Do In an Elevator Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your “personal space.” Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: “Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!” […]

There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you’re doing? Its things like this […]

These three guys got together one day and were talking about how drunk they got at a party the night before.The first guy said, ””Man I was so drunk last night I went home and blew chunks.”” The second guy said, ””Man that was nothing I was so drunk last night I was driving home […]

10 ways to scare your neighbors 1.) Order pizza and other food to their house and pick it up at their doorstep claiming that you don’t have a phone. hello 2.) Stand over the plants in your yard with a hose and Scream, “I have your life in my hands, bow down to me!”. Then […]

A man walks into a bar and orders a double, obviously upset. “What’s the matter, buddy?” asks the bartender. “It’s a long story. I met this beautiful woman who invited me back home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and were just about to make love when her goddamned husband came in […]

School Excuse Notes 2003-09-02 These are excuse notes from parents (with their original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country: My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. Dear School: Please […]

The Lawyer’s Funeral 
A man is at his laywer’s funeral and and is suprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. “Why are you all at this man’s funeral?” 
A man turns towards him and says, “We’re all clients.” 
“And you ALL came to pay your respects? How […]

Five Surgeons Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work. “I think accountants are the easiest to operate on,” said the first surgeon. “You open them up and everything inside is numbered.” “I think librarians are the easiest to operate on,” said the second. “You open them up and everything inside is […]