You know you’re addicted to the internet when: You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no phone line or electricity. Your web bookmark list takes fifteen minutes to scroll from top to bottom. You wonder how your service provider can call 200 hours. per month “unlimited”. Your phone bill comes in a box. […]

The Bible for Dummies AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN: 1. Parish information read only during the homily. 2. Catholic air conditioning. 3. Your receipt for attending Mass. CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Congregation to lip-sync. HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula […]

>> > > >THINGS TEACHERS WOULD LOVE TO WRITE ON A STUDENT’S REPORT CARD…BUT CAN’T ……. >> > > > >> > > >1. Since my last report, your child has reached >> > rock bottom and has >> > started >> > > >to dig. >> > > >2. I would not allow this […]

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it’s missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be. Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike […]

Telemarket Repellant If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if they are […]

100 Reasons it’s Great to be a Guy 1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. 2. Movie nudity is virtually always female. 3. You know stuff about cars. 4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase. 5. Monday Night Football. 6. You don’t have to monitor your friends sex lives. 7. Your […]

Ways to reject pick-up lines 1.) Man: “Haven’t we met before?” Woman: “Yes, I’m the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic.” 2.) Man: “So, wanna go back to my place?” Woman: “Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?” 3.) Man: “I’d really like to get into your pants.” Woman: “No thanks. There’s […]

Funny One-Liners 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest? 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. A clear conscience is […]

Radio Silence A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, “7 feet 3 inches tall, 385 pounds, 12 inch penis, 2 pound left testicle, 2 pound right testicle, Turner Brown.” The […]