What are Seniors Worth Remember, old folks are worth a fortune, with silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys, lead in their feet, and gas in their stomachs. I have become a little older since I saw you last, and a few changes have come into my life. Frankly I […]

Yo mama’s so ugly, well.. look at you! Yo mama’s so ugly, she looks like you. Yo mama’s so ugly, she could only be Yo mama. Yo mama’s so ugly, they filmed “Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower. Yo mama’s so ugly, they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies. Yo mama’s […]

Why men Are Justifiably proud of themselves We know stuff about tanks A 5-day trip requires only one suitcase We can open all our own jars We can go to the bathroom without a support group We can leave a motel bed unmade We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness Wedding plans […]

VALUE FOR MONEY The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s. “May I help you?” she asked. “I want to see Natalie,” the man replied. “Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else,” said […]

Letter to the Observer Sunday January 26, 2003 The Observer I’m really excited by George Bush’s latest reason for bombing Iraq: he’s running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I’ve been really pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street. Well, him and Mr […]

OWED TWO A SPELL CHEQUER Eye halve a spelling chequer, It came with my pea sea. It plainly marques, four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it to say. Weather eye am wrong oar write, It shows me strait a weigh. As […]

WASHINGTON STATE ATTORNEY SEASON AND BAG LIMITS Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to […]

Murphy’s Teaching Laws The clock in the instructor’s room will be wrong. Disaster will occur when visitors are in the room. A subject interesting to the teacher will bore students. The time a teacher takes in explaining is inversely proportional to the information retained by students. A meeting’s length will be directly proportional to the […]

A couple were driving to a church to get married. On the way, they got into a car accident and died. When they arrive in heaven, they see St. Peter at the gate. They ask him if he could arrange it so they could marry in heaven. St. Peter tells them that he’ll do his […]