I Wish I Were A Bear ONE WOMAN’S WISHI wish I were a bear. If you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could get used to that. And another thing; before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. That wouldn’t bother me either. IF you’re […]

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2″ in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. […]

If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings – they did it by killing all those who opposed them. 2 days without a Human Rights Violation! If at first you don’t succeed – try management. […]

In a murder trial… In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner: Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse? Coroner: No. Attorney: Did you listen to the heart? Coroner: No. Attorney: Did you check for breathing? Coroner: No. Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you […]

Jamaica A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name tattooed on his penis, her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while the penis was erect, so when it was not erect all you could see was W Y. Shortly after the couple was married they were honeymooning […]

When you are dating….. Farting is never an issue When you are married ….You make sure there’s nothing flammable near your husband at all times When you are dating….. He takes you out to have a good time When you are married ….He brings home a 6 pack, and says “What are you going to […]

Pilot and Co-Pilot A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His co-pilot is Chinese. It’s the first time they’ve flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike. Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his […]

Men just can’t win -If you stay home and do the housework, you’re a pansy. -If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. -If you don’t work enough, you’re a good-for-nothing bum. -If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism, -If she gets a job ahead of you, […]

Maori Terrorist Attack The New Zealand SIS have released the names of the local Maori terrorists that hijacked a EH Holden and drove it into the side of One Tree Hill. They Are: Bin Smoken Bin Sniffen Bin Drinken Police have been unable to find a fourth member Bin Worken