1Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of yourleft arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger, thumb on either side of cat’s mouth, and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth, allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. […]

Lawyer On His Deathbed A lawyer lies dying, his partner of 40 years by his bedside. “Jack, I’ve got to confess. I’ve been sleeping with your wife for 30 years and I’m the father of your daughter, Hillary. On top of that, I’ve been stealing from the firm for a decade.” “Relax,” says Jack, “and […]

Lawyers and Gators Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says, “I don’t understand how you can be so much bigger than me.We’re the same age, we were the same size as kids … I just don’t get it.” “Well,” says the big […]

Two hookers were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said, ”TWO PROSTITUTES –$50.00.” A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they’d either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just at that moment, another car passed with a sign saying, ”JESUS SAVES.” The hookers […]

LIST OF POSSIBLE SLOGANS PROMOTING NATIONAL CONDOM WEEK 1. COVER YOUR STUMP BEFORE U HUMP 2. BEFORE U ATTACK HER, WRAP YOUR WHACKER 3. DON’T BE SILLY, PROTECT YOUR WILLY 4. WHEN IN DOUBT, SHROUD YOUR SPOUT 5. DON’T BE A LONER, COVER YOUR BONER 6. YOU CANT GO WRONG, IF U SHIELD YOUR DONG […]

Signs you’ve Had Too Much Coffee… You’ve worn the finish off your coffee table.All your kids are named Joe. Chuck Yeager thinks you need to calm down. Instant coffee takes too long. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. People can test their batteries in your ears. People get dizzy just watching you. Starbucks owns […]

Things you don’t want to hear in an elevator   5. Does this look infected to you? 4. Would you believe these pants are reversible? 3. The acoustics in this elevator are perfect for yodeling. 2. I’m not just a Jehovah’s Witness. I also sell insurance. 1. Just ignore Duke. We’re going to have him […]