Signs its time to retire from the superhero business Your motion to install wheelchair ramps in the secret headquarters keeps getting shot down. You just installed a warning alarm in the Batmobile to alert you when you’ve been driving for more than a mile with the turn signal on. No matter how much you adjust it, your Spandex costume […]
How Dogs and Men are the same Both take up too much space on the bed. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning. Both mark their territory. Neither tells you what’s bothering them. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous. Both have an inordinate fascination with women’s crotches. Neither does any dishes. Both fart […]
I need a drink Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender, “Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had a fight with the little woman.” “Oh yeah,” said Eddie. “And how did this one end?” “When it was over,” Harvey replied, “she came to me on her hands and knees.” “Really? Now that’s a […]
The top 12 names for a Michael Jackson reality show 12> Too Gross for Comfort 11> Touched by a Wacko 10> The Pedo-Files 9> Dinner and a Movie and a Couple of Minor Surgical Procedures 8> Survivor: Balcony in Berlin 7> Father’s Nose Mess 6> Child Protective Services, Where Are You? 5> Trading Races 4> Telemundo […]
You think the Franklin Mint is a breath freshener. You think doctorin’ involves mamma’s sewing kit and a jug. The strongest smell in your house is butane. Your dog passes gas and you claim it. None of your shirts cover your stomach. Your wife has ever said, “Come move this transmission so I can take […]
A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, Ribbit 9 Iron.” The man looks around and doesn’t see anyone. Again, he […]
100 Ways to Order a Pizza 1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. 2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. 3. Use CB lingo where applicable. 4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. 5. Terminate the call […]
Check this out! It is hard, so good luck finding four or five things! This is a simple psychoanalytic test to measure your memory and intelligence. Open the first superman picture. Memorize it and open the second. Without reopening the first try to note each of the differences between the two pictures. You can write […]
