Browsing Category: Funny

A NEW YEAR’S WISH FOR YOU May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastro-endocrinologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your gynecologist, your plumber and the IRS. May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, […]

Aviation Truisms “Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.”- General MacArthur ………………………… “You, you, and you … Panic. The rest of you, come with me.”- U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt. ………………………… “Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death … I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am […]

Are you stressed out? They say exercise and keeping fit is an excellent way to combat stress, but if that doesn’t work then take a look at this. This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up over the day BREAKFAST 1 grapefruit 1 slice unbuttered wholemeal toast 1 g1ass […]

A woman wants ONE man who fills her EVERY need, but a man wants EVERY woman who fills his ONE need. If it looks easy, it’s hard. If it looks hard, it’s impossible. If it looks impossible, it’s due tomorrow. At 8 AM. Itsssssss Mine, All Mine, My Precioussssss 😀 Cheeky Darkie or, if you […]

SAVE THE WHALES. COLLECT THE WHOLE SET. A DAY WITHOUT SUNSHINE IS LIKE, NIGHT. ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU HAVE DIFFERENT FINGERS. I JUST GOT LOST IN THOUGHT. IT WASN’T FAMILIARTERRITORY. 42.7 PERCENT OF ALL STATISTICS ARE MADE UP ON THE SPOT. 99 PERCENT OF LAWYERS GIVE THE REST A BAD NAME. I FEEL LIKE […]

Three Little Piggies Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order. “I would like a Sprite,” said the first little piggy. “I would like a Coke,” said the second little piggy. I want water, lots and lots of water,” said the third little piggy. The drinks […]

You know you’re addicted to the internet when: You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no phone line or electricity. Your web bookmark list takes fifteen minutes to scroll from top to bottom. You wonder how your service provider can call 200 hours. per month “unlimited”. Your phone bill comes in a box. […]

The Bible for Dummies AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN: 1. Parish information read only during the homily. 2. Catholic air conditioning. 3. Your receipt for attending Mass. CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Congregation to lip-sync. HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula […]

>> > > >THINGS TEACHERS WOULD LOVE TO WRITE ON A STUDENT’S REPORT CARD…BUT CAN’T ……. >> > > > >> > > >1. Since my last report, your child has reached >> > rock bottom and has >> > started >> > > >to dig. >> > > >2. I would not allow this […]