Browsing Category: Funny

Murphy’s Computers Laws Any given program, when running, is obsolete. Any given program costs more and takes longer each time it is run. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed. If a program is useless, it will have to be documented. Any given program will expand to fill all the available […]

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?” “Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great […]

The Lawyer Has an Accident A lawer just got home from work. As he stepped out of his BMW, a speeding car ripped off the door. As the lawyer jumped up and down cussing and swearing, a cop who was driving by stopped. He rolled down the window and said, “What’s wrong?” The lawyer replied, […]

The Ad Graveyard Prelude: The Advertising Joke A COPYWRITER DIES, and Saint Peter offers him a choice of Heaven or Hell. The writer asks to see both. Leading him to a doorway, Saint Peter says: “Here in Hell, we have a room just for copywriters.” Inside, the writer sees row upon row of faceless hacks, […]

THINGS TO NEVER SAY TO A COP… I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas) Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in. Aren’t you the guy from the Village People? Hey, you must’ve been doin’ about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job! Are […]

THINGS TO DO AT A BORING MOVIE Wear a top hat. Throw popcorn in the air and yell, “It’s snowing!” Go, “Oooooh…” whenever anyone kisses. Clap when the good guy gets killed. Make a noise like your passing gas and go, “Ahhh…” Starting wheezing and ask the person next to you if you can have […]

Unpublished Children’s Books You Were an Accident Strangers Have the Best Candy The Little Sissy Who Snitched Some Kittens Can Fly Getting More Chocolate on Your Face Where Would You Like to Be Buried? Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her All Dogs Go to Hell The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking When Mommy […]

Missionaries and Van Gogh’s relatives A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and goes to live with a tribe therein. He spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write and the good Christian ways of the white man. One thing he particularly stresses is the evils of sexual sin. Thou must not […]

Subject: FW: I Can’t Believe We Made It! This is so true! According to today’s regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, 70’s or even the early 80’s, probably shouldn’t have survived. I Can’t Believe We Made It! Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based […]