Browsing Category: Funny

FOR ALL THE LEXIOPHILES A bicycle can’t stand alone because it is two-tired. What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway). In democracy it’s your vote that counts; In feudalism it’s your Count that votes. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed. […]

Harley Davidson and Woman Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Davidson, “Well, you’ve been such a good guy and your motorcycles have changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven.” Davidson thinks about […]

George and Laura Bush were on a private jet en route to a public speaking in Florida.After staring out the window with a curious look on his face he turns to Laura and says, “Hey Laura, how about I throw a $100 bill out of the airplane and make a person happy?” Laura replies, “Well, […]

How To Clean Your Toilet – The Fun Way 1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet […]

I Wish I Were A Bear ONE WOMAN’S WISHI wish I were a bear. If you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could get used to that. And another thing; before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. That wouldn’t bother me either. IF you’re […]

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2″ in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. […]

If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings – they did it by killing all those who opposed them. 2 days without a Human Rights Violation! If at first you don’t succeed – try management. […]

In a murder trial… In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner: Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse? Coroner: No. Attorney: Did you listen to the heart? Coroner: No. Attorney: Did you check for breathing? Coroner: No. Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you […]

Jamaica A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name tattooed on his penis, her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while the penis was erect, so when it was not erect all you could see was W Y. Shortly after the couple was married they were honeymooning […]