Browsing Category: Funny

These three guys got together one day and were talking about how drunk they got at a party the night before.The first guy said, ””Man I was so drunk last night I went home and blew chunks.”” The second guy said, ””Man that was nothing I was so drunk last night I was driving home […]

10 ways to scare your neighbors 1.) Order pizza and other food to their house and pick it up at their doorstep claiming that you don’t have a phone. hello 2.) Stand over the plants in your yard with a hose and Scream, “I have your life in my hands, bow down to me!”. Then […]

A man walks into a bar and orders a double, obviously upset. “What’s the matter, buddy?” asks the bartender. “It’s a long story. I met this beautiful woman who invited me back home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and were just about to make love when her goddamned husband came in […]

School Excuse Notes 2003-09-02 These are excuse notes from parents (with their original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country: My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. Dear School: Please […]

The Lawyer’s Funeral 
A man is at his laywer’s funeral and and is suprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. “Why are you all at this man’s funeral?” 
A man turns towards him and says, “We’re all clients.” 
“And you ALL came to pay your respects? How […]

Five Surgeons Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work. “I think accountants are the easiest to operate on,” said the first surgeon. “You open them up and everything inside is numbered.” “I think librarians are the easiest to operate on,” said the second. “You open them up and everything inside is […]

Who’s the Most Fun to Operate On? Four surgeons were sitting around discussing who they like to operate on. The first surgeon said, “I like operating on librarians. When you open them up everything is in alphabetical order”. The second surgeon said, “I like operating on accountants. When you open them up everything is in […]

A young couple on the brink of divorce visits a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife what is the problem.
She responds “My husband suffers from premature ejaculation.”
The counselor turns to her husband and inquires “Is that true?”
The husband replies “Well not exactly, it’s her that suffers not me.”

Jesus and Moses 
Jesus and Moses are walking along the beach when all of a sudden Moses shouts out, ”You know what? I’m going to try and part the ocean again.” And he throws his hands in the air and magically the ocean parts. Jesus sees this and says, ”I’m going to try and walk […]