Married

> One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a
> > >very sexy nightie. “Tie me up,” she purred, “and you can do anything
> > you want.”
> > >
> > >
> > > So he tied her up and went golfing.
> > >
> > > **************************************************
> > >
> > > A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran
> > >into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her
> > >lungs, “Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!”
> > >
> > > The husband said, “Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
> > >mountain stuff?” “Doesn’t matter,” she said. “Just get out.”
> > >
> > > **************************************************
> > >
> > > Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and
> > >the other is a husband.
> > >
> > > **************************************************
> > >
> > > A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license.
> > >
> > > First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician
> > >showed him a card with the letters:
> > >
> > > ‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.’
> > >
> > > “Can you read this?” the optician asked.
> > >
> > > “Read it?” the Polish guy replied, “I know the guy.”
> > >
> > > **************************************************
> > >
> > > Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,
> > >
> > > “I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the
> > >convent.”
> > >
> > > “Thank God,” said an elderly nun at the back. “I’m so tired of
> > >chardonnay.”
> > >
> > > **************************************************
> > >
> > > A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
> > >
> > > Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
> > >
> > > “Careful,” he said, “CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
> > >
> > > You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!
> >
> > >We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
> > >They’re go ing to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You
> > >NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are
> >
> > >you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know
> >
> > >you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”
> > >
> > > The wife stared at him. “What in the world is wrong with you? You
> > >think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”
> > >
> > > The husband calmly replied, “I just wanted to show you what it feels
> >
> > >like when I’m driving.”