Narcs much prefer texting or emailing for several reasons and these are also red flags to watch out for. Basically, they can play their ‘mind games’ much easier by text.
- Texts are a perfect method for inflicting their passive aggressive behaviour as below;
- They can give opaque replies such as ‘true’ ‘indeed’ ‘as you wish’ which are NOT a real answer to any question you have asked. This keeps you trying to figure out what they really mean.
- If you feel the need to ask the same question again they can play the ‘blame game’ as making you appear to be the nuisance and just wasting their time, not bothering to concentrate on their original reply etc..
- Texts can be engineered. Because verbal conversation is spontaneous and immediate reactions can be judged, the narcissist prefers texts which allow for an engineered narrative. Red flag: have you noticed frequent ‘quiet moments’ in verbal chats? They are not ignoring you they are trying to put together an ambiguous reply and they hate doing this on the spot. Thus numerous moments of silence in verbal chats.
- They control their availability, as everyone can by text, but they do it to an extreme and at times when you expect they would be available e.g. ALWAYS just before they get into bed and just after they wake up. They choose these specific times deliberately to make you feel anxious and they get satisfaction from knowing that.
- Stonewalling, long delays, ambiguity will be the norm.
- They also have written proof, come paper trail of their communications with you.
Phones calls are always erratic with a narcissist. You might get their voicemail and have to leave a message for EVERY call. They like playing mind games in which you have to locate them by calling them first. To make you think that they’re needed or wanted by you. As mentioned, calls will also contain long moments of silence where they are trying to prepare an answer or just want YOU to make all the effort in the conversation.
When you communicate with them they’ll never seem pleased or genuinely happy to hear from you. They’ll never say ‘have a great day’ or ‘stay safe’. These might seem a bit basic and petty to you if you’re reading this, but this truly reveals their passive aggressive narcissistic behaviour.
No empathy to your feelings but you will be expected to behave positive.
Never hang up on a narcissist! Ultimate punishment will be inflicted on you afterwards.